Saturday, December 31, 2005

Stayin alive

Let me start by saying 'Hey' to all the wonderful people that have dropped by from Lisa's Bored Housewife page.
I saw a rise in the number of hits and I was wondering what was going on until I saw Lisa's link to me...
But guys, leave a comment will ya, I don't bite!

I'm really pissed off at the moment. For some reason I decided to change my commenting to Haloscan and now
1. I've LOST all my all comments and
2. I don't get email notifications anymore..

I am not that tech savvy so can't even go back to my regular commenting system ARRRRGGHHH

But on another note,
Lisa, I'm gonna have to start working on that marketing plan of yours. It'll be the first blog tour ever, I guess.

I was at this pub last night after work celebrating the end of the year with my office gang.
Quite a wild night I must add.
It all started with Mr President deciding to throw open the bar to the office at 5 pm.
Yeah Yeah we actually have a 'propah' bar in the office (It's advertising remember)
I honestly thought at that point it would just be basic wine being served.
But boy oh boy was I wrong.
Champagne bottles were being popped to start the new year celebrations (yeah at 5 pm on the 30th of December).
Bacardi, Smirnoff, Cabernet Sauvignon (my favorite) and Scotch were seen in every hand of the office.
I felt a bit bad for the accounting guys (they were desperately trying to tally the books for year ending) - Argh
In any case, the music blared from Mr President's computer speakers ranging from Harry Belafonte to Shiny Disco balls...
The party moved to a local pub that honestly I hate.
Its smoky, dark, over crowded and honestly way too loud for my liking.
But then, I guess I ain't as young as I used to be.
I got quite lucky though.
I managed to get myself a little table and a bar stool against a wall and decided to perch myself there for the rest of the night ...
The party started to get way better.
I have to admit the music rocked last night and way too much alcohol was being consumed.
People were dancing, the shiny disco ball kept flashing in my eyes putting me in a state of trance.
And then there was the high point of every evening out especially when there are a few single girls out.
"I will survive"
My throat still aches from all the singing. Well uhm it wasn't singing but screaming real loud to make sure the guys heard us - LOL
At somep point during the night they played 'Staying alive' too and something struck me to say - hmm thats the title for my blog tom.
It got me thinking
What am I stayin alive for or am I just stayin alive?

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Its a sad sad day

I started working at my current job 15 months ago.
Before that I had only been an official employee at one other agency.
I was there for almost 6 years.
When I joined my current job, I was aprehensive.
Would I make friends?
Would I fit in?
Would the culture fit mine?
Would I have fun?
Would I laugh?
Would I cry?
Would there ever be like minded people?
I was aprehensive like hell.

I met many new people during my first couple of days.
Some nice, some not so nice, some wierd, some not so wierd (hey its advertising, what do you expect), some strange, some stranger.

But hidden in a corner office was a girl that I was yet to be introduced to.
She was dainty, pretty and always had her gorgeous tresses sitting neatly on her shoulder.
Her sun glasses were always perched on top of her head and light green eyes to match the sun glass frame (they were not contacts, I learnt later)

She was fairly senior in the orginazation too and I was finally 'formally' introduced to her.

We didn't take long to hit it off.
We shared common interests.
We both loved buttered popcorn at tea time.
We both loved pretty shoes.
We both read tarot.
We both grew up in th same area.
We were like minded.

Work turned into play in no time at all...

I'd batter my eyelids and make a pouty face whenever I needed a job done and she'd promise me glasses of wine when she needed something.

We became friends.

During the flooding of Bombay in July 2005, we shared a hotel room and kept each other calm for 3 days.

We became close friends.

And today...

She's going away...

Too far away...

She won't be at the corner office anymore.

She won't be there to hear me shout.

She won't be there to see me smile.

She's going away...

Too far away...

It's a sad sad day

I got Stumped

Every night when I get home from work, I back up my car into the parking garage, which includes a very professional reversing technique coz my garage is on a hill in a precarious direction.

After parking the car, I scramble around the car for all my stuff which usually includes, my handbag, my car keys, my mobile phone (which is never in the handbag), my lunch box and sometimes something else that I'm carrying back from work...

I wobble up to the elevator and on the way scramble through my handbag to find the housekeys...Getting into the house means opening both doors while holding all the stuff that I mentioned before in my hands...

Once I am in my room, my stuff conveniently dropped on my bed, I throw my shoes off and look for my mail for the day.

My mail usually includes bills, bills, some more bills, junk mail and sometimes an invitation either to an event or birthday or anniversary.

But yesterday, I got stumped by a stamp.

Tucked in the pile of mail, was a crisp white envelope with a stamp from Boston.

I knew exactly where it had come from...

"My butterfly gal" - Butt gal as I call her lovingly.

I opened the envelope to find my annual christmas card written and signed lovingly by Mr and Mrs Butt :)

They are the only people that I know that actually still send postcards from their vacations. I still have the postcard they sent me two months ago from their trip to Peru blue tacked on my mirror...

I keep forgetting the joy of receiving snail mail that isn't a bill or an invite.

I keep forgetting the joy of seeing the handwriting nuances on a letter or card.

I keep forgetting the joy of getting a hand written card with flowers.

I keep forgetting the joy of writing a card, buying a stamp and dropping it in the mailbox.

I keep forgetting the joy of writing with a fountain pen.

I keep forgetting the joy of buying a card at Hallmark, choosing between hundreds of cards and finally selecting one and not pressing "Next" to continue.

I keep forgetting the joy of getting stumped uhm stamped...

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Week 52

I'm a bit let down with week 52.

Week 52 is supposed to be the week thats good to you.

Week 52 is supposed to be the time when the universe gives you everything good and fabulous to make up for all the crap you face the rest of the year - right?

Week 52 is the magical time between Christmas and the New Year when everyone is supposed to be in the holiday spirit of things and not be in a work mood. The time when you whistle while you pretend to work...drink loads of red fatty food - uhm you get the picture...

Thats what I had planned for my week 52 when it started...

But the universe had something very different planned...

So different that I did not have a free waking moment to write my blog yesterday - ARGH...

I actually got messages on my mobile fone today asking me where my blog for yesterday was...ARGH

So whats been going on in week 52?

Well, to be honest it hasn't been all bad... It started out fun with a gay friend of mine in town from San Fransisco... But then that was Christmas day so I guess thats not counted...

But MONDAY - ARGH Monday creaped up on me real bad...

I started work at 8 am!!! ARGH - Who in their right mind starts work at 8 am on week 52?

I got done with work at 10 pm!!! Louder ARGH!!!

I had 20 people surrounding me every second from 6 pm to 10 pm!!! ARGHer (wait that isn't even a word)...
It took me longer than usual to get home with the traffic!!! Triple ARGH ARGH ARGH (i'm gonna try to stop saying argh)

And then came tuesday...

Tuesday had me sitting in the car alot...wait helluva lot...(I'm holding back)

Tuesday from week 52 had 15 people surrouding me...

Tuesday from week 52 had my client hounding me... (This time I'm REALLY holding back)

Let's not talk about tuesday from week 52...

But week 52 hasn't been all that I hoped it would be YET...

But then again...I don't believe in miracles, I rely on them...

I do...

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Dashing through Christmas...



On the first day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
A voucher from a shop free.

On the second day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Two sms
And a voucher from a shop free.

On the third day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Three snacks a Fried,
Two sms
And a voucher from a shop free.

On the fourth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Four deserts,
Three snacks a Fried,
Two sms
And a voucher from a shop free.

On the fifth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Five bags a bling,
Four deserts,
Three snacks a Fried,
Two sms
And a voucher from a shop free.

On the sixth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Six jeans a fraying,
Five bags a bling,
Four deserts,
Three snacks a Fried,
Two sms
And a voucher from a shop free.

On the seventh day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Seven bottles chilling,
Six jeans a fraying,
Five bags a bling,
Four deserts,
Three snacks a Fried,
Two sms
And a voucher from a shop free.

On the eighth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Eight people drinking,
Seven bottles chilling,
Six jeans a fraying,
Five bags a bling,
Four deserts,
Three snacks a Fried,
Two sms
And a voucher from a shop free.

On the ninth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Nine bouncers glancing,
Eight people drinking,
Seven bottles chilling,
Six jeans a fraying,
Five bags a bling,
Four deserts,
Three snacks a Fried,
Two sms
And a voucher from a shop free.

On the tenth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Ten creeps a peeping,
Nine bouncers glancing,
Eight people drinking,
Seven bottles chilling,
Six jeans a fraying,
Five bags a bling,
Four deserts,
Three snacks a Fried,
Two sms
And a voucher from a shop free.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Eleven maids a wiping,
Ten creeps a peeping,
Nine bouncers glancing,
Eight people drinking,
Seven bottles chilling,
Six jeans a fraying,
Five bags a bling,
Four deserts,
Three snacks a Fried,
Two sms
And a voucher from a shop free.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Twelve plumbers plumbing,
Eleven maids a wiping,
Ten creeps a peeping,
Nine bouncers glancing,
Eight people drinking,
Seven bottles chilling,
Six jeans a fraying,
Five bags a bling,
Four deserts,
Three snacks a Fried,
Two sms
And a voucher from a shop free.

Happy Holidays to one and all...

Do leave your Christmas comment :)

Friday, December 23, 2005

Blast from the past

I've changed the look of my blog :)

Few days ago a friend of mine threw a double trouble party - her 5th anniversary and her husband's birthday bash all meshed up together into one.
She themed the party - Hippie ishtyle...
This happened the night that I had landed back to Bombay from my famous Bangalore spiritual experience with Sri Sri Ravi Shanker from Art of Living Fame (the blog of that is also on this site)...
I had not planned my outfit or anything but a brainwave stuck and I decided to go as part of the "Hare Rama Hare Krishna" mission...
All in all a fun night...

Other than that - today has been quite a mad day.
Besides being the last working day before Christmas, I had the honour of being awarded the pleasure of working on yet another pitch. Thank God, we managed to push the deadline to second week of Jan - but work will still need to be done over the end of the year...argh...
I also organized one of the office guys to dress as Santa Claus - complete with his black rimmed glasses - LOL. Ho Ho Ho he ran around the office pretty much being molested by everyone around - LOL.
Other than that the gift exchange program went quite well - I got myself a really nice diary...
We ended the day with wine flowing through the office...yummieee :)

Me off to watch a film tonight...Bluffmaster - Abhishek Bachchan is just worth watching on big screen!!!

More later...

Thursday, December 22, 2005

My christmas frame of mind

Written by Mariah Carey and Walter Afanasieff

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas
Is you...

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you...

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Old is gold?

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine this morning that got me thinking about this blog.

He was complaining that since his father kept getting transfered across the country, he never got a chance to continue any of his childhood relationships/friendships...

He somewhat envied that fact that people like me who had lived their entire life in one place, in the same home had the joy and the advantage of having "childhood friends"...

I got to thinking about the girlfriends I grew up with....went really far back to the friends I had when I was 3 and 4. Those that I continued to be friends with till the time I was 21 atleast.

I narrowed it down to two girls. One I went to nursery with and continued to be friends with (even though I moved schools) and the other lived in my apartment block.

I got to thinking about how we played together. How we shared everything together. How we stared at the first Barbie doll we played with. How we got Barbie married to Ken. How we ate her mom's cake together. How we pulled each others hair. How we pinched each other. How we shared boy stories with each other. How we giggled over silly things. How we were inseperable...

But today...


Where are they?

Well one I don't speak to anymore...

And the other, well she lives in the States.

I visited her in September 2005 and we had a great time together.

But are we as close as we used to be?

Is old really gold?

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


n 1: a feeling of dissatisfaction that results when your expectations are not realized; "his hopes were so high he was doomed to disappointment" 2: an act (or failure to act) that disappoints someone
Source: WordNet, Princeton University (

Disappointment is a ‘lover’s’ word - Or at least that’s what I think.

I use the word ‘lover’ here loosely. Lover needn’t be a hubby, wife or a lover lover. By lover I also mean a friend, a father, mother, best friend, cat, hamster, sister, an ex – anyone that you care / cared about ‘deeply’.

All of us have been disappointed. All of us are currently disappointed. Hell, I’ve been disappointed. Hell, I’m disappointed now.

But it got me thinking…(I’m putting on my thinking hat now – it actually isn’t a thinking hat but its me jumping into a cross legged position on my chair and cranking my neck closer to the screen so that I can probably see the words mysteriously appear without a thought).

But yeah, it did get me thinking – who am I disappointed in?

Am I disappointed in the courier boy that showed up late? - Hell no, I was just downright upset.

Am I disappointed in the terrible lunch that was cooked yesterday? Damn, I was just fumingly hungry.

Am I disappointed in the waiter that spilt wine on my trousers? Darn, I was just trying to be understanding.

Am I disappointed in the random person that made fun of a friend? No I was just disgusted.

Am I disappointed in the person that promised me an sms that never came last night? Yes I am.

Am I disappointed that my mom forgot something I asked for? Yes I am.

Am I disappointed that my ex married someone else? Yes I am. (It hurt to even say that – ouch my heart still tugs when I think about it)

Am I disappointed in myself screaming at a colleague? Yes I am.

Am I disappointed in myself in not being able to convince my client to release the campaign? Yes I am.

Disappointment IS a lover’s word – or at least that’s what I think.

But more importantly, I am most disappointed in myself coz I love myself.

I am and I do.

There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Monday, December 19, 2005


Alone in a desert
Cold and dry
Alone on a mountain
Wavering high
Alone on a plateau
Nothing around
Alone in a forest
The jungle sounds
Alone in my heart
The memory streams
Alone in my veins
The blood screams
Alone in my ears
The voices refrain
Alone in my soul
The vision remains...

Sunday, December 18, 2005

A one-on-one with the 'Guru' of millions worldwide

Sri Sri Ravi Shanker (Art of Living Guru) and me at his ashram
on Friday 16th December 2005

Most of his followers would give an arm and a leg for the experience I had on friday. People flock by truckloads and travel from afar to just get a glimpse of this 'God-Man'.

I, on the other hand had the opportunity to spend 20 undivided minutes of his time in his personal meeting room. While there were other devotees sitting around, no one uttered a word while we spoke.

Sri Sri Ravi Shanker started a movement called the 'Art of Living' 25 years ago which has grown into a worldwide way of living with devotees worldwide ranging from presidents of countries, to heads of multi-national corporations right to ordinary people like you and me.

I have never attended the 'Art of Living' course but its something that my mother has been urging me to attend for the last couple of years. Lethargy and busy work schedules coupled with the fear of being sucked into a cult kept me away from the programme.

Two weeks ago, a random e-mail popped into my box from the chairman and president of my company. I had been picked to work on a campaign for the 'Art of Living' (I work in advertising).

This got me to start reading up on this 'God-Man' and his 'way of life'.

A week passed and I got a call from the chairman of the company. He said that my campaign had been appreciated (there was more than one agency pitching for the campaign). He went on to say that 'Guru-ji' (repected teacher in hindi) wanted to meet me and that I was to fly to Bangalore to present the revised campaign (few changes that he requested) myself.

To cut a long long story short. I finally made it to the ashram on the outskirts of Bangalore city.

It was beautiful!

An oasis in the middle of nothingness...

A stunning meditation structure - lawns - little cottages, a setting sun with hues of pink and orange and weather to die for...

I was made to wait outside his private meeting room bare foot with hundreds of people standing around just waiting - waiting - waiting...

The energy around was even more than what I had felt at the live Michael Jackson concert years ago...

People just stood waiting...for a glimpse of their Guru. Hoping that he would see them. Hoping that they would be blessed by him. Hoping that they would be able to hand over the little somethings they had brought as offerings...

I stood there with my portfolio bag waiting and watching...

I saw a car approaching from the distance.

I saw everyone suddenly scurrying around.

I saw his secretary hurriedly working her way to the front of the crowd in her bright red sari and pashmina shawl. She wasn’t much older than me but had been living in the ashram for over 15 months. She, like me was a Bombay girl who had studied at a good convent school in Bombay and had pretty much been brought up like me… (except I did not go to convent school).

The car halted.

And what a mad rush there was.

Everyone ran to try and open the door while the secretary struggled to hold onto her pashmina, her folder, her mobile phone and the mobile charger.

Guruji stepped out of the car. And everyone bowed. They crossed their hands, they bent and took his blessings.

He slowly inched his way through the crowd and finally reached the spot where I was standing. The volunteer standing with me said “Guruji, This is Anuja. She has come from…”

Before she even completed her statement, Guruji said “Ahh yes. Anuja from Bombay. You arrived today. When are you scheduled to leave?”

“I have a flight at 11 pm” I said.

“I’ll call you in soon” he smiled.

And with the hundreds of people’s ears on tenterhook to hear what he was saying to me, he disappeared into the meeting room.

The crowd did not seem to disperse but rushed toward his volunteers to try and get a private meeting with Guruji. A few started rushing toward the meditation hall to get good seats close to Guruji for the satsang (the musical prayer).

I continued to stand there waiting and watching.

It couldn’t have been more than 3 minutes and the door opened.

I had been summoned.

People cranked their necks at the open door hoping for another peek at their beloved Guruji.

I was led right in and the door was bolted behind me.

It was dark out and the lamps inside the meeting room gave a nice warm hue.

The room was carpeted and at the far end sat Guruji on a couch with a tiny round table filled with sweets and fruits.

On the carpeted floor was loads and loads more of fruits and sweets (all to be distributed I assumed).

People sat on the carpet all over the room leaving the sofa’s on the edges of the room empty.

I worked my way to the front of the room.

I really cannot describe the next 20 minutes.

I sat there and discussed work with this ‘God-Man’.

People around me sat in silence.

We continued to talk.

He smiled.

We continued to talk.

He smiled some more.

At the end we just spoke – not work – just spoke.

He smiled even some more.

He gave me a choice between Indian sweets and bananas.

I chose bananas.

He offered me bananas with his own hands.

I accepted graciously.

I asked if I could take a picture with him.

He laughed and smiled even more.

His secretary said “No flash, please”

I nodded.

Guruji moved the table in front of him away to give me place closer to him for the picture.

I kneeled and smiled.


My work was done.

I got up to collect my things still holding onto the bananas.

As I turned he said “Why are you leaving, stay with us tonight”

I didn’t know how to react. What to say… I was confused. Shocked. I don’t even know what…

“Guruji” I said.

“I have not come prepared to stay this time. I will come back.”

I smiled this time.

He smiled back.

“Okay” he said.

And I left.

When I left his private meeting room all his volunteers and his secretary came rushing up to me to remind me (again) and tell me how lucky I was to have such time and conversation with Guruji especially considering that I had not even attended the Art of Living course.

Maybe I am so lucky.

A very close follower of Guruji said only one thing to me when I told her about the whole experience.

She said “Anuja, now that you’ve met him, I just want you to do one thing. Start counting the coincidences in your life in the next couple of days…”

Twenty minutes later bang – coincidence no. 1 occurred.

Call that a coincidence. Call it whatever.

I’m still counting.

I am.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Leather & pink feather boas

Lady Anabelle

I had a once in a lifetime experience in Bangalore yesterday (and was reminded of it every couple of seconds). But thats a story I will leave for another post. It deserves that much respect. I can assure you that atleast 2.5 million from over the world will be interested in reading that story...

I had the terror of flying an ATR back last night from Bangalore...It really makes me wonder why we still have to fly in those things... Thank God I'm short coz I could see the taller guys really having a hard time...I actually thought of my poor 6'3" and wondered how he would react in a situation like that... However what amused me and tickled my fancy was this tiny hand fan (kinda like a japanese hand fan) that was placed in every seat pocket...made me wonder whether they wanted us to start using our fans if the ATR fans stopped functioning...Yikes...I prayed!!! Nevertheless it was a safe flight and I'm back home safe n sound...

As promised I've uploaded a couple of random pics from my mafia nite...

Leave a comment and lemme know what you think...


The gang

Friday, December 16, 2005

The first mistress

Anabelle - the first mistress.
Thats what I went dressed as for my mafia party.
I'll upload some pictures later.
T'was a total blast - partied real hard till the wee hours of the morning.
The decor looked fabulous - I had money and guns hanging from the ceiling.
The entire party was a nice mix of Italian and Indian mafia/underground which added to the entire flavour.
Besides that I had popular Indian mafia movie posters and other typical Indian mafia things such as supari and patta...
One of the major highlights was the face and tattoo painter that I had organized for the night.
People were walking around with HUGE stiches,scars, black eyes, blood etc painted across their faces and other parts of their body...
We even managed to get most of the clients to get into the mood with the face painting.
Loads of alcohol (I have a hangover), too much dancing (my toes still hurt), and serious lack of sleep (I had to wake up in two hours to catch a flight - am in Bangalore today for a meeting) but memories to last me a lifetime...
I need a cuppa coffee...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Tickle my toe

Ok, So I was at this quaint little restaurant last night with some colleagues from work and I saw a sight that left me blushing with joy...

On the table across me was a bunch of people...they looked in their late late 20's probably even early 30's...
On one side there was a guy and two girls and across them another guy and a girl.

At first glance it didn't look like anything at all. Just another random night, just another bunch of people having a drink, or two maybe even three...

At second and third glance I couldn't help but notice a bit of footsy going on under the table. Not just a bit of footsy there was some serious footsy under the table, Use your imagination...

The girl was starting to blush and to be honest I was too...

They actually managed to hide their 'lust' from the rest of the table. It was pretty evident that no one else on the table had any clue as to what was going on....

They held hands under the table...they quickly shuffled away when there was chance of being 'caught' but all in all they seemed to have a fabulous time...

It got me thinking...

Was it the thrill of not being caught?

Was it a 'back to school' kind of thrill - doing something secretively in the open and enjoying the thrill of not being noticed?

I dunno...

All i know is it tickled my toe...

I'm still smiling...

I am.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

An orange, apple and banana

Thats what I've eaten while settling myself down to write todays blog.

And yeah just this morning I was told 'again' how much weight I'm putting on...Blame it on my work schedule, on the amount I've been painting the city red or just the fact that I've been craving chocolate like crazy lately. Not just any chocolate - only plain Cadburys Dairy Milk. No fruit n nut, no almond, no orange - nothing nada, plain chocolate.

Thursday night is the office end of year party and the theme for the night is 'Mafia' and I still haven't figured what to wear...Any ideas?

My brain seems to be moving in a million directions today. So much so that I can't concentrate enough on any single thought. Its a brain freeze of sorts...

I love brain freezes - especially when my teeth get all frozen too...I generally love things cold - and I love the cold weather too...I love the way all my pores stand on end when I'm cold. I love frappucinos. I love roasted almond icecream. I love gelato. I love crushed ice.

I'm hungry again!

I am.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

To hell with Pensive

Take off that pensive hat
Put on a smile
And embrace the sunshine...

Wear something new (even if it just lipstick or underwear)
Feel sexy
And embrace the sunshine...

Play with a balloon
Bounce it up and down
And embrace the sunshine...

Think of Santa Claus
Ask him for a Christmas gift
And embrace the sunshine...

Call a friend
Say absolutely nothing
And embrace the sunshine...

Kiss someone
Play with their ear
And embrace the sunshine...

I know I just did.

I am.

Saturday, December 10, 2005


Ok, So I've been a bit pensive the last couple of days...
I dunno why...
I've been making a great effort to go out there and party and even put a face on...
(This pic was taken at after work drinks so my face had worn off)
It just feels like the whole worlds problems are sittin on my tiny shoulders...
It's not any one thing in particular, its not even things in general its just nothing and yet everything...
I'm thinking about my future, I've been wondering about my past.
I'm questionning every move that I make and yet I just dont know...
I've really been trying to distract myself - trying to get into the Christmas spirit of things...
Hell yesterday I sang Xmas carols to myself...
I know its a bit early but what the hell...
Even then I found myself humming - Silent night instead of a more upbeat Christmas Polka...
My friends have started wondering whats going on with me...
I wish I had an answer to give em...
I even sent a sloppy I miss you e-card to my closest frend in St Maartin...
I haven't received a 'pick-up' email yet so I guess she hasn't seen it.
She had a baby too a couple of weeks ago...
Her priorities have changed too and for the better....
I still remember the day before she got engaged.
She had never met her fiance before.
She had been talking to him on the phone long distance for 3 months.
There we were sitting at this open air, sea facing lounge bar and watching the planes circle overhead.
We knew he was landing any minute and I remember teasing her and telling her that if he was half decent to look at, she'd be engaged before the next moon came back.
Call it a golden tongue, call it fate, call it karma...
She was engaged to be married.
Life with her never was the same again.
I danced at her wedding.
Walked her down the aisle.
She left.
The next time I saw her she was 8 months pregnant in NYC.
I wobbled down the streets of New York with her and told her "The next time I see you, I'll be pushing the pram"
And sure enough the day will come.
But I'm pensive today.
I am.

Friday, December 09, 2005

The Girl Woman

“Girl, you’ll be a woman soon”
The voice resonated through my computer speakers and lingered on my lips the rest of the day. I found myself imitating the low pitch of his voice. It got me thinking. How old is this girl that will turn into a woman soon?
Is there actually an age that this so called transition happens? Is it 12? 15? 18? 21?

What is this magical age? Maybe it isn’t an age but a biological change?!?!? It got me thinking further.

Am I a girl or a woman? Is being a woman purely an age defined criteria? Just because I am 29 I am a woman? Or am I a young lady?


I’m still a baby when I cry.

I’m a baby when I get home to my parents at the end of every night.

I’m a baby when I’m sick and have the flu.

I’m a baby when my heart gets broken.

I’m a baby when I get surprised.

I’m still a baby when I get something new (even if it is lingerie).

I’m a baby when I’m scared.

I’m a baby when I’m alone.

I’m a baby when I’m watching cartoons.

I’m a baby when I’m hungry.

I’m a baby when I’m sad.

I’m a baby when I eat ice-cream.

I’m a baby when I want pop-corn.

I’m a baby when I’m with other babies.

I’m a baby when I’m terribly happy too.

I’m a woman at work.

I’m a woman at a fancy restaurant.

I’m a woman when I eat with chopsticks.

I’m a woman when I drink my wine.

I’m a woman when I order.

I’m a woman when I’m with my man.

I’m a woman in the conference room.

I’m a woman when I’m with my banker.

I’m a woman when I’m alone.

I’m a woman when I’m happy.

I’m a woman when I’m sad.

I’m a girl woman

I am.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Silver spoon

I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth.
It’s true.
I didn’t ask for it.
But the truth is I love it.

I love the finer things in life.
Caviar, Fondue, Escargots.
I love adding fresh ground pepper and a hint of Tabasco to my fondue.

I love flying.
I especially love getting up-graded.
I love being served champagne on a flight.
I love the bubbly tingling sensation on my palette matching the feeling in my head.

I love eating with chopsticks.
The joy of scooping up grains of rice with two wooden sticks.
I hate washable, re-usable chopsticks; the wood flavoring is where the character comes from.

I love freshly ground coffee in the mornings.
I love it being served in bed.
I love the ‘awakening’ it brings me every morning.
I love making love to my coffee.

I love parfum.
I love the way it makes me feel.
I love the way I follow someone else around a room when I like their parfum.
Eternity especially. (All you men are you listening?)

I love a bottle of good red wine.
I love it even more if it’s a cab.
I especially love Aussie, French and Chilean cab wines.
I love it when they are served in large goblets.
I love swishing them around in the goblet before swishing them around in my mouth.

I love diamonds.
Big, small, princess, marquise.
I love the way it shines in the light.

I am a diamond.

Cut to my perfection.

Coloured to my liking.

Seeking Clarity in my life

A million Carats in one.

I am a diamond born with a silver spoon

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


I'm terribly sleepy today.
There it comes again
*Y A W N*
Yikes, whats wrong with me...
Guess I'm really really sleepy today...
I went out again last nite
Just as I promised, I did my hair, did my nails, put on a full full face and an outfit that would make any red carpet proud...
I love black
No, I do.
I really really love the colour black (yeah i write the Queen's english "colour" not "color")
So slimming so sexy
I toy around with other colours too
Reds (I like red but you gotta be in the mood to wear red - its not a colour that you can just slip into...)
Pinks (So feminine - with pink you gotta get the whole girly thing going - so it ain't simple either)
Whites (Argh so hard to keep crisp and fresh - a bit too virginal for me)
Greens (nah just not really me)
Yellow (make me look sick)
Blue (How could I forget blue - I love blue too)
But Black, ahhhh black
Hey how many times did you guys yawn while reading this?
I'm outta here

Monday, December 05, 2005

An odd conversation

Something really odd happened the other nite.
While I was out and about on saturday with my 6'3" date (tch tch I'm 5'2" - actually thats a lie, I'm almost 5'2"), I had a strange man tap me on the shoulder.
Actually that isn't the odd part - when you're at a club you have strange people tapping you all the time.
'Hey can you call the waiter'
'Hey u have a light?'
'Haven't we met before?'
'Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?'
'Heaven must be crying cause its missing an angel...'
Well you get the picture.
Anyways this tap was a bit odder to start with...
'Weren't you yellow house captain?'
Considering the tapper was barely 5'5", my poor 6'3" had to strain both his neck and ears to get into earshot of the conversation...
(Yes I was yellow house captain way back in school which was yonks and eons ago)
'Uh huh' I replied
'Well I was yellow house captain too' he smiled
I searched his face for a sign of recognition.
'I won the marching trophy' he said beaming from ear to ear.
'Huh, what?' - Bewildered, I thought to mysef how this was starting to be the strangest conversation I had ever had with a stranger.
'When were you captain?' I continued.
'1997' he replied.
Standing in front of me was a man over 5 years my junior.
'I voted for you to be yellow house captain' he said beaming from head to toe
'Thanks' I said - still trying to work out the point of this conversation.
'You see, I was the youngest person on your marching team. And every morning at 6 am I would come and march march and march some more while you screamed Left Left Left Right Left'
His eyes started turning a bit dreamy at this point.
I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the memory yet.
'You kept instilling the need to win the marching trophy every single day. You never let us forget it. You made us work towards the singular goal of winning it...thats all there was to it. And we won it. I still remember you going up and collecting the marching shield and all of us jumping up and down'
I smiled.
'I eventually became yellow house captain. And I made sure that we won the marching trophy. And we did'
My 6'3" was getting antsy.
He barely caught a few words of the conversation and had no clue what was going on.
But there he was waiting waiting waiting.
I smiled back at the yellow house captain.
"Right before Might' I said (The belief system of yellow house)

Yellow house - you better keep that marching flag flying high.

I never even caught his name...

Expect the Unexpected

Just when I thought, I was in for another ordinary evening - Bing Bang Boom - Life sprung me with another surprise...There I was all dressed up with a face on (as i promised I would be) going out to dinner with a friend that I hadn't seen in over 4 months!!!

I expected it to be a fairly entertaining evening but little did I realise I would end up having such a good time (Yeah another great nite to this fabulous weekend)... You see the dinner was not just the two of us but eight random people put together at this cozy little deli in the heart of town. The only other person I knew on the table was the other girl (who also I hadn't met since september in NYC)

Interesting people, even better conversation, a fabulous bottle of 'cab' from the land down undah and two men (one of em pretty cute) who enjoyed wine as much as I did...(well almost)...


Exect the Unexpected...

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Zippa - de - do - dah

It's one of those days that I've woken up with the sun shining, the birds singing, a song in my head and all of this on a sunday morning - sunday mornings aren't usually this happy - but today is different for some reason...I feel good to be alive...
I moisturised myself with a nice tamarind body cream from bath and body works (yum) and I could practically eat myself...Yum Yum...
One of the reasons I had such a good time was I decided to actually dress up, put on a full face and go out last nite...Yeah after a long long time I came out of my hiding hole and went out to face the world...and I did it in style...I pulled out a new red spagetti top (red - yum) and did the whole black smoky eyes look - yeah I really decided to go all out yesterday - Unfortunately I don't own a digital camera yet but thats not for long - it's coming next week...
I bumped into old old friends - people I went to school with, people I went to college with and even people I used to party reguarly with...I don't see 'em much anymore - coz I'm constantly in hiding...
But this morning, I've decided, I'm gonna paint the town red this winter...
I'm gonna get out there, do my hair, paint my nails, put on a face and drink a nice cabarnet sauvignon and just smile, laugh and p a r t y . . .
Is anyone listening?

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Do you have it in you?

Hold your own hand
Feel that touch
Play with your fingers
Your nails
Hold your hand tight
Stop the blood circulation
Let it hurt

Take a deep breath
Close your mouth
Now hold your nose closed with your finger and thumb

Place your hand on your head
Put your hand through your hair
Grab a small amount in your hand
Pull it
Pull it hard
Let it hurt

Scratch yourself
Let it turn red
Scratch some more

Feel every single tooth in your mouth with your tongue
Every side and groove in every tooth
Stick your tongue out of your mouth
Bite hard
Let it hurt

Grab your right foot
Look at it carefully
Touch your big toe to your nose
You can do it
Try again
Re-position yourself and try again
Hold your toe to your nose
Streach those muscles
Hold it
Hold it
Hold it
Feel it
Let go

Close your eyes
Close them so tight that the darkness engulfs you
Keep them tightly closed
Not a flicker of light
Open them slowly
The bright light
Let your pupils re-adjust

Place your hand in front of your mouth
If you have a mirror even better
Breathe in
Breathe out
Feel the warmth
Watch the mirror fog
Let it de-fog

Feel the passion
Feel the pain
Feel the light
Feel your breath
Feel your soul
Feel yourself

Rejoice - You're alive

Friday, December 02, 2005

Wonder Why...

Left work early no traffic on the roads wonder why its Saturday that’s why want a cup of coffee a good book to read wonder why its my time off that’s why an envelope in the mailbox only one wonder why stamp from Ireland address in pencil wonder why glued down fastened with tape wonder why no return address no form of identification wonder why surprise material that’s why a picture in the envelope what for no reason all smiles all laughs never cries always happy that’s why never been beaten never been abused wonder why never married that’s why always ecstatic never taken drugs truly happy truly glowing pregnant u say never hates kids always had always will bad childhood sibling rivalry wonder why middle child that’s why house in background red brick twenty five years u say u wonder why looks dilapidated that’s why orange fence and pink door wonder why hippy style that’s why yellow dress and green shoes she once said that bright colors made her happy and dull ones senile flowers in her hair sunflowers wonder why big I beautiful that’s why doesn’t wear bras does that still make you wonder why bangles on both hands bright and colorful shining in the sunlight merging with the surrounding cant you see why dog in the corner big and beautiful ribbon on the collar red and green do you wonder why Christmas time that’s why calls him daisy wonder why flower power that’s why signed the photo in orange and red do you wonder why not anymore no not I…

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Unconditional Love

How do I love thee ? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
~ Elizabeth Barett Browning

Riana is loved!
I'm not saying, she will be loved - I'm saying she is loved.
The very picture oozes of love.
The man is not her father!
Yet, he gazes at her with the admiration and adoration, any grown woman would die for...

The strong arms of protection...
The able hands of care...
The look of affection...
Riana is loved!

Riana has come into this world n this is the 1st picture I receieved of her. I have never seen her but something about this picture stayed with me all day today.
So much so that I had to sit down and write about it and share it with you all...


The beeping sound of sms.
The phone ring.
Standing at a crowded corner.
Staring at strangers walking about.
The TV on but you can't concentrate.
The food in the oven.
The single wine glass with your lipstick stain.
The click of a door opening.
Watching him finally walk in.
Honey, I’m home.

We are always waiting. Waiting for a call, an arrival, a promised sign…
The anxiety we face while waiting can never be described in words.
But the feeling blows us out of proportions…

We have all waited for someone…something to happen… at some point…at every point of our lives…
And the feeling is always the same…Or is it?

The feeling of waiting.
Makes us feel like we can't, no, we shouldn’t move…Don’t look anywhere, don’t stare at the gorgeous shoes in the window display. Don’t talk on the phone, he may be trying to call. Don’t go to the toilet. Just wait…

Why? The incredible guilt that the call, the sign, the promised arrival may just happen at that exact moment we choose to distract ourselves…So, we sit and wait… Just wait…

The telephone rings, you grab it and stare at it in anticipation…Is it? Is it? Is it? The adrenalin flowing through you – The quickened heart-rate…the oh so slight sweaty palms….

"Are we in love? -- Yes, since we’re waiting."
The other never waits.